My Dad was diagnosed with Acute Myeloid Leukemia on March 21, 2012. I can remember the day he was diagnosed, I was there with my parents when the Doctor told us the bad news. And he went through three rounds of chemo like the Champ that he is. I was with him every step of the way. I stayed with my Mom in a hotel, and we would go to the hospital as soon as we woke up in the morning. I wanted to be there, with my Mom and Dad. I was happy to be able to stay with my Mom, as long as my family allowed it.
The Leukemia was put into remission with those three rounds of chemo. Everyone was healthy, Dad was back to work. I remember the appointment, where the Doctor told Dad that they found a match for a bone marrow transplant. Which he had to get because his blood was still showing Myelodysplastic Syndrome.
On September 25, 2012 Dad received the bone marrow of a selfless stranger. I remember that day; my Mom, my brother and I were all there with Dad. We stared at him for the hour that the bone marrow was going in, as if something was going to immediately happen. But nothing did, as it is just like getting a blood transfusion.
But no one told us (ok well maybe they warned us), that the next year would be hell. I feel like my Dad was the one in whatever that will catch something, every time. He got anything and everything. Instead of going into detail of each thing here is the gist of it: graft versus host disease, RSV, a form of cardiac arrest, guillain barre syndrome, pneumonia, and influenza A. These set backs had him in and out of hospitals for the year, there was a seven month stretch of being hospitalized in there. But my Dad was a fighter, my Superman. He was so strong through it all, all he wanted to do was to be able to go back to work. Unfortunately, the last of the set backs was his fate. He couldn’t fight anymore…
…enter my broken heart. I don’t know how I am supposed to feel, it just doesn’t seem real. Nobody can prepare you for this feeling. I found this poem on Pinterest, and I think it sums up how I feel…
A Father’s touch, A Daddy’s kiss,
A grieving Daughter, You’re greatly missed.
An empty house, An empty chair,
A Father’s love, No longer there.
A broken heart, Tear filled eye,
Another soul to fill the sky.
Many memories in my mind,
Some I laugh, Some I cry.
The times we shared, The laughs we had,
Things I miss when I think of you Dad.
Realizing that’s all I have to hold on to,
Only memories, Of what once was you.
Missing your laugh, I will never again hear.
That is the reality that fills me with so much fear.
No more smile on your face,
No more warmth of your embrace.
The last hug, The last kiss,
The last “goodbye” leaves me with one last wish…
To have you Dad, here today,
Never to leave your Daughter this way.
A Father’s touch, A Daddy’s kiss,
A grieving Daughter, you’re greatly missed.
I am lost, I have this empty spot inside my heart now. I’m not sure if it will ever fill back in. So for now we have our memories. And I look forward to my Dad visiting me in my dreams. Gone, but most certainly not forgotten.
♥ Maximum