My husband and I took the kids for a walk to the park tonight before bed to “blow off some stink”. We chose the park right beside Tim Hortons, so as we were sitting on the bench enjoying our coffees (while the kids were running around) my husband says to me “isn’t this awesome?” I at first thought “what, the fact that the kids were getting filthy dirty rolling around in the cedar mulch, or is it that almost as soon as we got to the park Malcolm dropped a #2 in his diaper on the one day I didn’t pack the diaper bag?” Then he continued to say “just this, sitting here, enjoying our coffees while the kids entertain each other.” I immediately thought about how almost on a daily basis I do have the queston of “what if” going through my head.
So now lets fast forward to about an hour ago when I was checking the blogs I follow and Tiffany Ruda posted this about the same sort of thing. So in response to her question, wondering whether she is alone when the thought of “what was I thinking?” goes through her head. I say you are definately not alone!! Now I’m not saying I can completely relate to her, since I have half the amount of kids as she does. But I can’t help but think about how my life has changed after having 2 monsters kids in 2 years.
I used to be an Esthetician, I owned my own business, I made a lot of money, and I mindlessly spent that money with shopping sprees, and you would NEVER see me with chipped nail polish or a stray hair in my eyebrows. Now I am a stay at home mom, it just doesn’t make sense to work only to pay for daycare, not to mention the lack of daycare space available around here. So I have zero spending money, and I sometimes paint a new colour of nail polish over the old one because I just don’t have the time to care anymore.
Before dinner my husband informed me that he is going out tonight to play pick up hockey. I was ok with spending the night alone because America’s Next Top Model was on so I could watch it and the other shows that I have PVR’d. He left just after I put the kids to bed, and just as I was about to sit down to veg out for the night I noticed that the dog threw up on the floor. Ugh sooo disgusting, I can deal with human vomit, but dog vomit is the worst!! Anyone with me on that one? So once I got that cleaned up, I noticed that the living room was a disaster but I just needed to sit down, so currently on my floor there is a full bucket of wooden blocks along with a puzzle and 9 books, there is a laundry hamper full of clean folded laundry that needs to be put away. I am just too tired at the end of the day to care.
I would not trade having my kids for anything in the world, but sometimes I think about the old life, and realiz how much my life has changed!! And I can’t say that I’m not jealous that two of my best girlfriends are heading off to the Lululemon warehouse sale! Anyways off to bed now, to rest up for another day of chaos tomorrow. 🙂
